Oh the sparkly goodness
by glassesworth
Summary: Miles Edgeworth gets terrorized by Scarlett Krystal Rayven Sunshine Rayn Beau Sue McPony. This is a crack fic. Don't take it seriously, u gaiz.


**A/N**: Don't read this if you don't have a sense of humour or are a die-heart supporter of Mary Sues and can't take a joke.

The people that read this that follow my fic "Monster", I am so sorry for the delay!!

******

How it happened, he didn't know; but right in front of his desk, stood an elegant looking female individual. Her long pink hair was curly, and it framed her face with bangs. It was probably as silky soft as it looked. Her eyes were a sparkly bright shade of blue, it looked completely unnatural, but created a nice contrast with her hair. She had the most perfect face and perfect figure you could imagine.

But of course, that wasn't all… She _sparkled_. Yes, that's right. In all the colours of the rainbow, she sparkled.

A high-pitched squeal left her perfectly perfect pink thin lips, clapping her hands together at the sight of the magenta-clad prosecutor.

Miles groaned and covered his ears in irritation. Who was this girl?

"Oh, Miles!" She exclaimed. "I can't believe I finally found you back! After all these long years!!"

A long and heavy sigh escaped his lips.

_Why me?_ Miles thought.

"I don't know who you are. So please, turn right around and leave my office." Miles spat at her, his eyes narrowing at the mere sight of her.

The pink-haired girl looked shocked, gasping at his reaction and faltering back a bit, her perfect pink perfect hair of perfectness bounced too much around her head for the small movement, because her hair was just that epic.

"B-but Miles." She said, her perfectly perfect blue eyes that shone in the perfect lightning started to fill itself with tears. "It's me! Scarlett Krystal Rayven Sunshine Rayn Beau Sue McPony!"

Miles stared at her in disbelief. Was a long name like that even _legal_? It couldn't be.

"Sorry but your ridiculous long name doesn't seem to ring a bell." Miles responded. "Now please leave before I give a call to security."

Scarlett Krystal Rayven Sunshine Rayn Beau Sue McPony stared at Miles with sad eyes; any idiot would have found the look on her face heartbreaking. But Miles was no idiot.

"You have to remember!" She exclaimed. "When you lost your first trial, you bumped in to me in haste to make it out of the court house! And then you looked at me…" Scarlett sighed. "It was truly love at first sight!"

"…"

_Hm, now that I think of it, I recall bumping in to some blue haired girl at the time. But I glared at her as she threw a string of annoying apologies to me. Hmph._ Miles thought. _She wouldn't leave me alone. I ended up running in to the men's room to get rid of her. It seems she dyed her hair._

"Oh I don't dye my hair, silly." Scarlett said, giggling at him. "I have magical powers! I can change the colour. And I can fly. I can also tell when people are lying without the help of a magatama or bracelet! And I can sing, and cook, and dance with a pogo stick, I can run around the earth in 3 seconds, I can also write, I love poems! I can sneeze sparkles, and I can sew, I can fix cars and I can dance the mambo on water while balancing a piece of pie on my head and I can--"

Miles stared at her.

"jump off houses without getting killed, and--"

"Shut up!" Miles snapped.

Scarlett Krystal Rayven Sunshine Rayn Beau Sue McPony faltered back a little again in shock, again her hair dancing around her face, they did the tango this time. How utterly fascinating.

"Get out of my office, right now, Miss… Whatever your name was." The prosecutor gave her another glare.

"Oh it was Scarlett Krystal Ra--"

"I don't care!"

The horrible human being pouted, trying to put up puppy eyes. Or at least that is what he assumed she was doing as she started to deform her face, her eyes growing big and her lips growing on their own accord to add more pout.

"B-but Miles!" She said. "You have to remember my name when we get married and have our 7 kids that we wanted! We'd name them Chii, Kai, Unicorn, Mustard Sauce, Claire, Big Mac and Bob the Builder!"

Miles sighed deeply and reached for his phone. Better call security, seeing as this woman had no intention of leaving him alone anytime soon.

But immediately she grabbed his hand.

The horrible perfect creature leaned over his desk, dangerously close to his face, breaking his personal space bubble.

"Oh Edgey~" A playful smile appeared on her face.

The titanium haired man leaned back in his chair for as far as he could. There was no way she would just leap forward and break his personal space bubble. There was only one person that could do that, and he wasn't here.

"Please, refrain from touching me or lea--"

"Give me a kiss, Edgey!" She pouted her lips too much and closed her eyes, as if expecting Miles would actually do it to her.

Instead, Miles gave her a powerful shove and jumped up from his desk chair.

Scarlett Krystal Rayven Sunshine Rayn Beau Sue McPony screamed in horror as she fell down to the floor in slow-motion. Dramatic music played on the background as she fell ever so slowly.

_How does she do that?!_ Miles thought. _And where does the music come from, anyway?!_

Quickly, he shook his head. He didn't need to think of this now. While she was being slow, it was his time to run.

Miles did exactly this, running out of his office. He ran and ran and ran and ran… Then he bumped in to someone.

"Woah, Miles!" Phoenix catched him in his arms before he could fall on the floor. "Why the haste?"

The prosecutor got back to his feet for as fast as he could, having had enough of people trying to touch him. He cleared his throat and was about to speak, but…

"EDGEEEEEEEEEEEY!" The terrifying pink-haired girl had probably got back her normal speed, and was running towards him, a big smile on her face.

"Oh god, get it away from me!" Miles shouted.

"Oh no, it's one of them, Miles!" Phoenix shouted in panic, grabbing his hand and pulling him along the hallway as they ran.

They ran and ran and ran and ran…

"Hey pal!" Gumshoe shouted from near the exit.

"Gumshoe, get her!" Phoenix shouted back at him.

When the scruffy detective spotted the pink-haired monster, he knew exactly what to do. He put on his badass sunglasses, and took out the "Destroy-the-Sue" bazooka from his coat pocket. He loaded it and shot.

The Mary Sue screamed in horror, her pink hair losing the perfect pink colour, instead turning a mousy shade of brown. Her eyes became dull and her hair became less shiny and silky. (After all, only Miles Edgeworth can have silky hair like that.) Her face got reformed in to something more average, as well.

"N-no!" She shouted. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She fell on her knees in a dramatic fashion. But there was no slow-motion or dramatic music to assist her now.

"Thank you, detective Gumshoe." Miles said to him.

"Any time, sir!" Gumshoe replied, putting the bazooka back in his pocket.

"Let's go eat lunch together." Phoenix said. "I'll pay."

With that, Gumshoe, Miles and Phoenix left for lunch, leaving the mousy haired girl sobbing and screaming on the floor.


End file.
